every once in a while i check the status logo on my domain, and i figured i would post some of the most recent information…. it’s weird and freaky and i find it curious and attractive in a strange, sick sort of way.

Apparently, someone with the domain name 12-216-127-73.client.mchsi.com has been quite active with 2,984 page requests. Another one is blk-138-75-231.eastlink.ca with 5,523 requests.  i do not know anybody from canada that i can think of, at least not somebody i have been in touch with for a long time, so whoever you are maybe you could leave a quick comment about who you are?

Maybe it’s just random attacks, bots, kids searching for vounrabilities to exploit, spam, etc…

66.112.55.170 has done 1,445 page requests, an ip that seems to be coming from http://www.quadaenterprises.com/ apparently a “home based business in Caro, Michigan”.

That is so weird! i really would like to know what “Susan” and/or “Brent” were doing browsing my stupid little blog. Not that i have any beef with that at all, don’t get me wrong, it’s just peaking my curiosity and since i have never heard of them before, never seen that site before, never been to or know anybody from michigan, i once again invite whoever that is to leave a little note or comment saying something as simple as ‘I was here’. is that too much to ask?

71.10.65.131 - 71-10-65-131.dhcp.dlth.mn.charter.com seems to be a spider, some quick googling labelled it as a honeypot.  i vaguely remember what that is from school, but if somebody has something to say about this ip address, who it is, what it is doing accessing over 2,000 of my pages, i would really appreciate it. It seems to have crawled many other random websites too, and i see other people asking about information about this particular ip also.

75.162.* - a Qwest dsl user with a dynamic ip from salt lake city has been activly fiddling through my website with over 7,000 requests

c-67-169-254-239.hsd1.ut.comcast.net - another person from salt lake city with comcast cable internet. about 5,000 requests as far as i can tell. And as far as i know, comcast is a cable provider with static ip’s given to its customers.  I have comcast, and I have a static ip, i see myself in the stats log so i know this is not me.

c-76-113-19-113.hsd1.nm.comcast.net, hello legemaria from new mexico :D  I see you.

85-23-66-89-Korvensuora-R1.suomi.net, finland? who do i know from finland!?!? who are you?!!!!! another spammer or crawler?

5571f4c9.ftth.concepts.nl - 1,500 requests. No idea. Holland? A company? Really beats the hell out of me. I have no clue.

s15255494.rootmaster.info - Apparently resolving to http://www.fotokasten.de/ - a german photography company of some sort? Who are you? You have been looking at all of my .jpg photo uploads and done a staggering 6,500 total page requests. Care to leave a little note with who you are? Please?

199-74-ftth.onsneteindhoven.nl - another weird and unknown dutch company with almost 5,000 requests.

ks367090.kimsufi.com - Apparently from a known spammer - 2,500.

TMCB-U110-3N10E-CE1.byu.edu - Now this is interesting. who are you? is it janette or my dad maybe? i don’t think i know anybody else from there… reaching over 6,000 page requests…

caladan.ihc.com - 2,337 requests, intermountain healthcare??!?? a hospital? ooooookay then. Let me know…?? maybe…? hello.

sbbc20.broward.k12.fl.us - Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Hmmmm….. who the hell could that be…. I know two people from florida that i can think of. Max (it’s been probably 10 years since i last heard from you), and Matthew Kuehne… did i spell that right? well, max is history… and matt… he disappeared on me a long time ago and i am sad and sorry for that because i really liked him. he was a nice person, a good friend, and a great photographer. He knew about my website, and i think he actually used ultramax to host some of his photos for a while a long time ago.

Matt, whereever you are, contact me if you don’t hate me for some reason… or maybe you’re busy with your life, school, maybe you got married or got your own house or company or what do i know. How is your photography coming along?

Matt, if you happen to read this: I know that when you visited me in Norway, things got a little tense between us. You happened to come at a point in my life when i was going through some of the worst problems and most difficult issues i have had to face in my 25 years on this earth. I did my best to host you and to provide you with a basic place to crash for the 5 weeks (?) you were at my appartment. i was young, i was confused, depressed, bitter, struggling to figure out who i was and what i want in life.  I recall we got into some hissyfits, arguments, trouble, problems, minor fights, quarrels, disagreements - - - …we fiddled a little bit from time to time because we were stuck together on top of eachother for that long period… in my small apartment…

I just want you to know that i liked you as a person; I always did, and I still consider you a nice guy with a kind heart and a lot of talent and skills.  I never meant for us to end up in any arguments. I wanted you to enjoy your stay in norway despite me not having a car or a way to show you around much.

I want you to know that  i did in fact enjoy your stay, and i consider the memory that i have of us going on all of our little crazy hikes and adventures in the middle of the night, just to get some nice long exposure shots of the nature, i consider that memory a positive and happy memory, I had a great time with you, and i will one day tell to my son some of those stories of what we did together…

I wish you would stay in touch, at least on and off… maybe drop in my #restricted on irc.dal.net, if nothing else at least on the weekends when you’re not busy….

I want you to know I enjoyed having a friend sharing my interest in photography and nature…. and dumpster diving… and electronics… someone else also a freak about infrared modification of digital cameras, a freak about saving energy by using cool-ass LED lights hooked up to solar panels charging a lead-acid battery.

I miss sharing photos and swapping comments on our work… I miss getting ideas from you… you are a smart person, and you were always peaking my interest with whatever little project you were working on.

I hope you are doing okay. I hope life is treating you well, and that you’re just busy with school or wife or work or what have you.

I really hope you have no bad feelings and I hope you will contact me one day so we can hook up and catch up on everything that has happened in our lives since we split ways.

I know that my life now is very different than what it was back then. I was a teenager, basically. I am an adult now. I am married with a beautiful photo-interested wife, i have a beautiful 2 year old son, and i still live in spydeberg.

Matthew Kuehne, i want you to know that if you ever should happen to want to see norway again, you are more than welcome to stay a couple of weeks in our appartment.

You are invited to our home by me and my wife.

We do not have a car, but my wife is a tremendous cook and she is a loving and caring person that will feed you and take care of you, and give you whatever we have to offer in our little cosy place.

She loves photography, art, and she loves needs to go out on hikes and walks in the forest, camping by the river with a tent and having a little fireplace where we can grill some of her superb delicacies.

Anyway,

wanglobe.hilton.com - tamara maybe? 7,200 page requests.

3-kn-DundeeCrownHS-300.g1-5-36.sob18.rtc3.illinois.net - 1,700 requests. No idea.

217-14-4-197-dhcp-osl.bbse.no - 2,500 page requests. This is interesting me, and i really want this person to leave a comment letting me know who you are.

Dear bishop baker,
I would like to start by expressing my sadness and regret of having met you back in 2006. I personally wish I never had met you, because you stole 4 years from my life. 4 years I have been going around thinking my wife is finally going to be unsealed to her ex. I must be an idiot, I did not have my priesthood, so of course you didn’t feel good about this whole unsealing deal. the problem is that my wife has a right to do what she wants, we have been discussing this thoroughly and we both wanted it to happen. It never did, until the bastard of an ex found out he wanted to get married again, so we got a letter saying her sealing is cancelled because of this. Yes, she is unsealed now, like we wanted to 4 years ago, but you do not have the faintest idea of the amount of pain and suffering me and my wife had to go through to reach this point. And the reason of all this misery? because you never sent the application my wife filed. You pretended to know better than us, better than my wife, better than god, and you took away the choice of free will. You should have seen the tears in her eyes from never ending frustrations and then the letter comes flopped in the midst of all this. Is her little secrets and pacts with god worth so much that you have to enforce a dead-end choice which fails ultimatly anyway because of her ex? what makes you in charge of this? who are you to say who gets to be sealed and who won’t? You should be ashamed of yourself for taking free will away from one of Gods finest angels. I am personally going to make sure there is a special kind of hell for you, where me and my wife will sit next to Jesus and God and point to you, so everybody knows how bad of a mistake you made and how much pain and torture you dumped us. You did it, and I know by revelation as well as testimony that god is on my side and that you did a mistake. I can choose now to forgive your sin, if you ask me to. You will have to repent, and you go have a few words with the lord, get in touch with me via email or phone when you are ready, I will be more than happy to forgive you.

You need to realise that you made a mistake, one so big, it is very hard to deal with it, it is very hard to get undone, but once you realise this you will see the whole perspective and I will be there to accept your apology.

how do you think I can go to temple now, feeling like this inside? this is what you produced in me, I have to blame somebody because a mistake was made. that is a fact. if you want to take the responsibility like you should, you can apologise to me and my wife, and we can continue to go to church like nothing happened. I hate somebody for this, and I would like to hate you, not the whole LDS coorperation church whatever. you can take the blame, and I can move on knowing that it was just another stupid mistake made by a bishop here on earth. that it has nothing to do with the fundamental properties of the real gosple..

you went one step farther, you told the bishop in norway to lean on your side and that’s what they did because it came from the great big Salt Lake City. they were in my livingroom, giving me a hard time, making me and my wife cry. guilt tripping me for not having priesthood and whatnot. well i don’t care about them, they are just two people with a long road to the gosple.
I care about you, and when you are ready. please apologise to my wife, not me, my wife, for it is her you took the choice of free will from.

If you do not, i will meet you in heaven like I said, with Jesus and God on my back along with an army of angry angels.

You have the opportunity to choose the right now. not later, now.

finding a way through the mist. the continuous beating of my corroded mind… beating in time. only fragments and pieces of dreams of my distant morning memory… i:m standing here without you. on the sidewalk of life.        the child of seven will be coming in moments that pass. do not worry…

Consciousness obscured by deep layers of red, of the doubt in my head, in the space once filled with joy. I can’t help it, the outlines of the vigour I embraced, so close to me, profusely bleeding, jagged edges, obscure boundaries where wounds are not healing, no parting from pain, so eternally saturated, and shut down satisfaction, of all three kinds, of frustrations, my expression fixed on anything out there, and easy to gather, the soul immersed with tear, in to the soft cushions, hoping nobody will hear.

visions of dreams are diminishing, slithering away, from my satisfaction, growing fragile by the moment, by the tick of the clock on the wall in a room not recognizable to me, at least not now, not any longer, not like this.

Hopes and desire, deteriorating quickly now… no more time…

I don’t know when, but it will be quite a while for sure.

It was nice knowing you, or, perchance it was all a big cluster of failed behaviour, exhausted experimentation of my days, months, and years.. dominated by bullshit and empty promises of things I long for… in a realm so very far from me.. on such a saturated altitude I can hardly grasp it, barely contain it, and sure as hell not explain it.

But what’s one to do, in this pretty pretty world YEAH!

I wish I was more than I am right now, at this very moment in my life. I am not content with myself. I am not who I always wanted to be. I am not who I dreamt of becoming when I was a child. I had so much potential in me. So much liveliness, aspiration.. glimmer.. used to fill up my…no, surround my adequate (pleasantly monotonous) daily go bouts .. it all faded somehow, like a dying star in the middle of an exceedingly sinister and dejected cosmos. Where did it all vanish ? What happened? How come I am not an artist? A musician perhaps… or a photographer, a painter, a writer, a lover, a peacemaker, a problem solver, a leader, always on the lookout for adventure. Continuously exploring and researching the dull ambient backdrop they so accurately refer to as ‘society’.. or so to speak. Where did my optimistic attitude go? My firm belief in realism, of indisputable customs and routines. ..and in the fact that everything will, in fact, turn out ok with time. Where did the optimism go? The hopes, the dreams and the desire to do things that are fruitful. Things that build up contentment in my life.. What have I become? I look at myself in the mirror and I do not recognize the person looking back at me. I do not feel like that dude, man. Who I am within differs from who I am have become on the outside. Is it all fake? A facade, a cloak I put on to conceal myself… To blend in with the multitude of outrageously dim-witted people in this world. To become nameless… unspecified and random.. I wonder if this is me. What I see. It can’t be! I am Jon Mikhael Ravneng. I am the guy who constantly struggled to remain happy in every situation. The guy who gave minuscule heartening comments to his peers each day, just so they could, perhaps, have a slightly better day, minute, only hour… just a fraction of an idea of hope used to be enough to keep me going. Not hard drugs, fast-food, and spending money. What have I become? Who I longed to become when I was child in rising? I do not believe so. Can I alter this obscure voyage to null and void? In the name of high school football, I sure as hell hope so! Because I don’t really feel like sticking around this forsaken branch of the totality of my existence for much longer. There was a time when I had a solid confidence in the definitive outcome of all things. I used to have faith in myself. I once trusted that I was up for anything life had to chuck at me or cram down my throat. I didn’t anticipate such a carefully poised collaboration of spiritual and idyllic happenings that have come to entirely dominate my continued struggle through life. I do not possess adequate aptitude to sustain the sheer bliss and harmony life has to offer. It came as a surprise to me… afraid to take another step, but steps need to be taken. terrified of where I am standing, scared of where I am going, hate where I have been. Where do I go, and how the hell do I get there? Do I even want to? Why wouldn’t I want to? perhaps I should just head in the direction Mr. Smith down the road is heading. He has a nice 89 mercedes and a striking, nifty looking garden gnome outside his big fancy american residence… circumspectly positioned right at the edge of his flawless, symmetrical, and dreadfully tedious-looking lawn. He *has* to be on the right route through life. Right? Maybe I should pay him a sociable, neighbourly visit. Go down there and ask him for a few decent pointers. He might have some extraordinarily important information… at least if my sole purpose in life is to have a nauseatingly happy looking garden-gnome on my immaculately natty lawn. Wait… do I want that? I should yearn for a life. Packed to the rim with dull conversations about the current weather conditions and my stock portfolio. That’s what they tell me I should care about. It’s all about the fashion blingbling and chillin’ with da homies, yo. A thoroughbred, slickly trimmed social network… a cluster of undistinguishable peers, all pursuing some brutally warped mental picture. Like a horde of rabid swine, they’re all hunting an assortment of idiotic replicas of a fad someone, sometime, somewhere considered to be a first-class idea. Spinning in circles, man. That’s the road to bliss! It ought to be; countless individuals are doing it! Going more or less in loops, thinking and doing the same things over and over. Completely and utterly determined to waste time. Hell bent on seeing what is going on down by their feet… as they keep roaming the same place again and again… not appreciating the fact that there is, in fact, a straight and narrow passageway ahead, that will lead to much superior things. How can these animals keep shoving their faces with the same bologna every single day without coming up with as much as a single thought about how this might end up… about the future.. the possibilities in front.. Am I the only one concerned about the potential outcome of my current situation, the fruits of my life? Should I perhaps not be concerned so much? Try to take it easy, man? Just chill and relax for a sec. Yeah, maybe. Maybe I get hot and bothered over absolutely nothing. I would indubitably do better off not second-guessing myself and my conscious, day by day selections and conducts. Afterthought is a treacherously slippery slope. Philosophy is but perilous and thinking simply unsafe. And eating makes you fat. Just so you know. I thought I’d share. You’re welcome. I trust you benefited from my needlessly dreary, ongoing nitpicking of the pulp of my continuation. I definitely gained valuable insight. Not to mention I freed a hefty portion of some pretty volatile gunk that had built up inside of myself after years and years of non-stop abuse and neglect. Thanks, Internet. I love you.